Vacation Fun in the Snow

I admit it...I love skiing and so do the kids!  It is a trip we look forward to each year and Copper Mountain CO is our home away from home.  There are lots of other great resorts in the country but for now this is our pick.  Patrick and Eliana  are turning out to be great skiers.  It won't be long before we will all be skiing the hard runs together.  Below is a link to a video of the trip if you are interested :)

Until next snow year

Skiing Video

It's a Christmas Card !!

This Christmas Card in the form of a blog post provides a wonderful place to catch everyone up on the happenings with the Aliso Viejo Turners.

The importance of family cannot be underestimated, especially in these challenging days.  God gave us our family - we didn't choose it. He gave it to us as the best present anyone could ever have.  Nothing is ever perfect in life, and family is no exception, but to live life without family would be a tragedy.

As a family we love skiing and that love has been given successfully to the kids.  They are getting ready with anticipation for our ski trip after Christmas.  Skiing is a time to develop great family memories and enjoy some active time together and be a little goofy along the way.  Patrick has turned into the boy that loves skiing through trees.  Eliana has amazing balance and hopefully will learn how to stop this year.  Then, watch out world, here she comes. :)  It may be a blessing in disguise that this is an expensive sport otherwise we would want to try it every week in the winter time :)  We are looking forward to another Copper Mountain adventure in January 2016.

We do think there is much more of a chance for our kids to turn into beach bums rather than ski bums.  They absolutely adore the ocean and living in Southern CA gives us the opportunity to go to the beach 11+ months of the year.  There is, however, nothing better than sharing the beach with the cousins!  The yearly trip to South Carolina is brought up in conversation year round and looked forward to with anticipation.

Upon reflection we realized that some of the most important things in life might be taken for granted but we don't want that to be the case.  We appreciate the way God has provides for us.  We appreciate the church we belong to, the home fellowship group we are involved with, the school the kids attend and more.  There is so much in life to be thankful for and so little that is really worth complaining about but if I took the time to write it all down this blog post would go on forever, so please share in our year in review through our "favorite things" video at the end of this post.

While this is being finalized on Christmas Eve 2015, the kids are looking forward to enjoying the mounds and mounds of presents that are sitting under the tree.  These kids must be loved more than life itself :)  But the greatest gift of all was born 2020 years ago or so in a stall fit for animals, a humble beginning of the son of God, the Christ child.  The creator of the universe who was known by Abraham came down to earth to solve our sin problem.  He is the sole reason for the HOPE that we have.  His birth, death and resurrection gives us that eternal HOPE that we will carry with us forever.  We hope that you are able to experience it also.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2016!! (wasn't Y2K yesterday???)

And now the video.....

https://vimeo.com/149992555

Already 3 and 6...Where did the time go?

I have to admit that I am not good with this blog thing.  There are plenty of people I know that somehow find the time to update their blogs on a regular basis but such is not the case for this blog. So pardon any spelling or grammar mistakes as I strive to actually publish something!! I do hope that I won't wait 1 year for the next update but only God knows what the schedule will bring!.  So what is important to a blog.  I guess I should ask the readers, whoever they are or wherever they are but I suspect people follow this blog for kid updates and less about the parents, I could be wrong but there you go.  Along with kid updates there is our passion for adoption which is never ending but for now we use that passion to help others along with journey as we seek to raise Godly kids of our own.

Eliana is an amazingly beautiful, super cute and sometimes quite opinionated and stubborn 3 year old.  We love her immensely.  She is thriving in Preschool this year at Stoneybrooke in San Juan Capistrano and enjoying getting to go to her "brother's school".  She is excelling at Gymnastics weekly and doing things that her brother would have never thought of at this age.   She is as much a Daddy's girl as Patrick is a Daddy's boy but I am not worried about Patrick.  She and I on the other hand are in for a journey through life that I can only imagine for now.  File it under the Daddy/Daughter category :)

Patrick is a growing (soon to be taller than one of our adult babysitters) 6 yr old in Kindergarten at Stoneybooke.  He is learning to ride horses, enjoys playing the piano, and building Legos.   It is no surprise that after a Lego themed birthday party we have lots of legos to build.  Our play area might start to look like Lego city very soon.   He loves also getting his limited time playing Asphalt 8 on Dad's computer. He calls it "the hard car game" and we play it together on my computer.  I want to be very careful as we integrate his life into technology and I feel blessed to work in the technology industry as we raise kids in a very tech centered world so I can keep on top of it all.

Life and Family.  We are beyond blessed to have a wonderful group of friends and church family in Aliso Viejo.   Every once in awhile I wonder what it would be like to live in another state but at this time in life I can't imagine leaving what we have here.  And after all, the grass is always greener on the other side of the septic tank, as someone once said.  So 15 years after moving into our "Starter house" it looks to be more than just a starter house.

Remember this?:  This is one of Eliana's phrases she uses when she wants to remind me of a game that she wants to play with me.  Along that line, I often use pictures to "Remember this".  They keep me centered in that fact that not only is God in charge of our family but time is flying by so I like to remember where it all started.

So what's the point?!  There are so many blogs to follow, with amazing writers, talking about serious life issues, etc that I almost feel bad posting pictures and family updates. However, I realized recently that if I didn't ever write anything or post any pictures, these kids will be driving cars before the next posting.   Time is short and moving fast so enjoy the updates while I remember to post them.  Post a comment here or on Facebook if you enjoy reading this and seeing the updates.  Until next time ....

Eliana's almost 2

After a few months away from the blog we are back into the blogosphere just in time for Eliana's second birthday.  Not that there wasn't a lot to say, but life with 2 kids, a business, work, etc. has taken up all the available time.  I am sure those of you with kids can relate :)

On June 26th, 2011 this wonderfully cute bundle of joy came into our lives at 3lbs. 6oz.  She came home from the NICU in August and what a journey it has been.  Not only is she a wonderful, joyful and terrifically independent little girl, but she is a wonderful little sister to Patrick.  We love these kids in ways that can only be explained by God and parenthood.

This year we are having a lady bug birthday party with a NO GIFTS component (Grandparents excepted).  Evites will be forthcoming.  The reason behind this is twofold.  The first reason is that 2- year-olds don't need a ton of gifts.  The gifts from parents and grandparents will be plenty and won't overwhelm the play area with more stuff.  The second reason is that it allows us to ask you to help support our friends, Alison and Cheyenne Kroeker as they raise money for their second adoption.  Please use the money that you were planning to spend on a gift for Eliana (whether your propensity is to purchase from the dollar bin at Target or something much more extravagant!) and let it help the Kroekers adopt their second child.  Eliana was given to us by God as our beautiful second child through adoption, and we desire to see that blessing extended to our friends.  Adoptions are expensive (in the range of 20K - 30K,) so we would like to do whatever we can to help our friends raise the necessary funds needed.  Vivian and I are passionate about adoption and can't wait to see what little child is brought into the Kroekers' lives by God through adoption.  Below is the fundraising article from the Kroekers' blog which you can find at the following link.

Kroeker's Blog

We have chosen a PUZZLE FUNDRAISER to fund a majority of the costs for our adoption. (Domestic Newborn Adoptions range from approximately $18,000 to $30,000) We have two methods you can use to make a donation through sponsoring a piece of our adoption puzzle!  Will you please help spread the word?

We are asking for a donation of $10.00 per puzzle piece (puzzle pictured above).  You can, of course, sponsor as many as you would like... (if you choose $10 = 1 piece, $20 = 2 pieces, $40 = 4 pieces, etc...). When every piece of this puzzle is sponsored we will have raised $10,000!! Which is what our agency fees will be (not including birth mother costs).

We will then write your name on the back of the pieces you sponsor, and once our puzzle is completed, we will frame the puzzle in a double-sided frame.  We will be able to see the names of all the individuals who helped us bring our baby home! Each piece we put together will make this process come to life as we see the puzzle grow into the beautiful picture!

For both methods, in the comment or memo box, please put in the names for us to write on the puzzle piece(s)

To donate with a tax deductible receipt go to our Ordinary Heroes fundraising page:http://www.grouprev.com/kroekeradoption and click on the "Donate Now" button!! ***All donations through our fundraising page at Ordinary Heroes are charged a 2.9% processing fee***

To donate where 100% of your donation goes to our adoption costs, go to PayPal and send it via bank account transfer to Cheyenneandalison@yahoo.com ***All transactions through bank accounts are not charged a processing fee***

We are so excited to see with our God is doing and going to do throughout our adoption journey as we grow our family! 

Please feel free to share this with anyone and everyone you know!!!! Every little bit helps so much! Even if you can't sponsor a puzzle piece or donate towards our cause we'd cherish your PRAYERS most of all!!!!!!

Colorado Skiing February 2013

If your ideal vacation is one where the kids don't fight, kids eat perfectly and have wonderful manners all the time.  One where kids go to sleep the moment you tell them then this vacation wasn't it!!
BUT
If your ideal vacation is one where kids experience the beauty of God's creation, have a great time, learn to ski and enjoy the snow country at Copper Mountain.  One where the parents share the duties of kids and still get to ski themselves then this was that kind of vacation. 

Seeing Patrick learn to go downhill by himself was priceless!! (We will save stopping for another time :))
Seeing Eliana be our little snow bunny was equally priceless!
So all in all when you add up the costs, the effort, the situations you end up with only one thing left to say.  Thank You God for a priceless week at Copper Mountain Colorado.
Enjoy the video of our time here
Colorado2013 from Jim Turner on Vimeo.

Train Station

With thousands going to the mall the day after Christmas we decided to go to the train station.  No need to get on a train, the experience of seeing the trains and hearing them is good enough for us!  Patrick and Eliana love trains and the San Juan Capistrano train station is a very scenic place to visit.  It is a favorite among those who make their living taking photographs.  All in all it was a fun family day relaxing in the cool air.  No video this time, only a large collage of photos.

Enjoy

Chirstmas Eve 2012

"How it is."  That is the theme of the video attached to this blog posting.  It is a raw, (basically) unedited video showing life in the Turner household.  Lots of energy from two wonderful kiddos.  The video starts with Eliana in a gorgeous dress because she wouldn't stand still for a picture.  But with the world of smartphones these days all things multimedia are possible.  Patrick may or may not be a typical four year old, but he is full of energy and enjoys dancing to Handel's Messiah or Bach's Magnificat or any other high energy music.  I see Vivian and I as ring leaders of this circus.  Before Patrick and Eliana arrived we had many ideas of how kids would act, think, behave... and well, let us just say that kids will be kids whether you like it or not!  Unpredictable is a word that comes to mind.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Life with kids is priceless, especially during this Christmas season.  This is a time when we are asked to remember that the redemption plan began with Christmas.  For those who put their faith and trust in Jesus who died for our sins on Easter, the promise is that we will spend Eternity with God instead of without Him.  That is the meaning of Christmas and we look forward to our birthday party for Jesus tomorrow.  Bring on the cupcakes!!!

2012 Update from Jim Turner on Vimeo.

Active Winter Sports

Active winter sports in southern California are quite different than other parts of the county.   Instead of downhill skiing, cross country skiing, mountain climbing with ice boots etc we have 84F in November.  So a little basketball, soccer and cycling from a toddler variety is in order.  These two kids are growing up quickly so it was time to capture a few moments of video with the kids.  With the help of my Nokia 920 and a beautiful sunny thanksgiving week the following video is the result.  I fully realize that this is the type of thing that parents and relatives enjoy but others not so much.  Regardless I am forever thankful that I get to record these types of memories in video format with such ease and create a timeless memory since I am told that they will be driving and graduating from high school in the blink of an eye

Hope you enjoy the video

ActiveSports from Jim Turner on Vimeo.

It is not about the bike!!

I had time recently to reflect on the meaning of my bicycle rides in various parts of the world (what they did for me, what memories were there, etc.)  Some of the years included milestones in my small world of cycling.  I recall one year where I rode multiple 100-mile bike rides.  On the year of my 40th birthday I rode the alps in Switzerland, France and Italy.  The next year I rode the mountains in Northern Italy for seven days.  These were some epic days: the beauty of the mountains was amazing and the fellow cyclists were supportive and fun.  I marvel that my weekly ride was up and down the beautiful ocean-lined coast of Southern California where people spend thousands of dollars to vacation.  I could go on but by now you are wondering what the point is.  The point came to me today when I went on a bike ride of about 1/4 of a mile (maybe even less.)  But there I was riding down to the end of my housing tract with clip-less pedals and tennis shoes on my mountain bike while pretending to race against Patrick on his tricycle.  It was one of those priceless moments when I realized that it is not about the bike; it is not even about me.  It is about the beauty of a father/son moment.  I am sure there will be others but I have always looked forward to bicycle rides with Patrick and Eliana and this was the start.  The excitement of going over speed bumps (which we call "bump bumps,")  the thrill of seeing Patrick pedal that tricycle hard to "keep up" with Dad,  the fun of just spending time together.  It makes me more than thankful that God through his providence chose to put Patrick and Eliana in our lives.

Thanks for reading

Transitions

I feel as if I have been telling adoption stories nonstop for the past 4 yrs +. It started before Patrick was born and continued through today. I am grateful for the chance to tell the stories of Patrick's and Eliana's adoptions and all the transitions that we have gone through together as a family. Last Wednesday August 22nd was Eliana's adoption finalization court date. Even though it seemed like a mere formality, it was a major transition point. It is the point at which she became a legal Turner. Nothing changes in our eyes: she is still ours, we still love her, we still pay all the bills, we still can't imagine life without her. But nonetheless, it is another major milestone in her life.

I have often thought that this would be the final transition in the adoption story of Patrick and Eliana but I can tell that is far from the truth. Now we begin the slow process of revealing their birth stories to them. Patrick already knows that he and Eliana are adopted, but his ability to process the information is not quite developed. As they grow older, more of their stories will be told and parenting will become more exciting everyday.

I have been reminded on multiple occasions that I shouldn't blink because if I do, the kids will be filling out college applications and getting married before I know it. I am therefore encouraged to enjoy every possible moment, good and bad, happy and sad, so that when we shoot them out into this world as arrows (Psalm 127:3,) we realize that we have taught them well, trained them as much as possible, and enjoyed every last moment of their lives with us.

Thanks for reading.

Eliana's First Birthday

Well there you go. Just as quick as that we have finished the first year of Eliana's life. During the year it was often slow but looking back it was a speedy year. She is turning into an amazingly fun, opinionated and playful little girl. Not walking yet but crawling at full speed. She is also into technology which works for me. Her first place to go is the stereo equipment when the cabinet door is open! I can remember so clearly when she was born at 3lb 6oz and when we took her home from the hospital at 7lbs+ and now she is a 20lb plus little bucket of love. It is clear to me that the most important aspect of her little life, outside of the sovereignty of God that brought her to us, is the support of our family and friends. Her birthday party today was a total demonstration of friends supporting friends as some stored food, others cut vegetables, others transported items, others help setup an clean up. Too many to list here but we thank you all for everything that you are doing to make Eliana and Patrick's life that much more special. Enjoy a few pictures from the festivities today and may you have a happy and safe 4th of July. Maybe she can teach her brother to enjoy fireworks!!! Thanks for reading

Eliana's First B-Day Party from Jim Turner on Vimeo.

Father's Day 2012

Ironic that the last post was on Mother's Day but really nothing more than that. No reason other than it takes a lot more work with 2 kids than 1. With the normal schedule that leaves less time to write down thoughts or publish videos. But fret not, Father's Day is here. Giving the option of doing anything I wanted today, I took Patrick and his friend Justus to ZooMars, our local petting zoo, after teaching 18 3yr olds at church. After finishing Zoo Mars and Cold Stone creamery we dropped Justus off at his home and heading back to our house. But it was not over yet. Patrick and I went off to the Aliso Viejo Aquatic Center to enjoy the another hour or so in the pools there. No special dinner just a bath with both kids and bedtime. That, however, is the best Father's day recipe I could envision. Now if Eliana would just go to sleep :) Here are 4 minutes from our ZooMars experience if you are inclined to watch. Thanks for reading

Untitled from Jim Turner on Vimeo.

Mother's Day 2012

Nothing says "Mother's Day" like family.  It is after all what puts the mother into mother's day.  So to that end and without much linguistic bantering about, here is a family video of the fun our family has had in the past months.

Enjoy...and "sing a song" (you will have to listen to get that reference!)

Zoomars 2012!!

Animals are fun, no make that super fun.  And even if you are in stroller the whole experience was a success for all.  Vivian was at the Bren rehearsing for Easter Sunday choir and so I had the fun adventure of taking both of the kids to the ZooMars petting zoo.  I love hanging out with the kidos on a Saturday morning (well anytime actually!)

Family

Life is ....

You can fill in the blanks with all of the cliches that you have heard over the years ( I prefer "...like a box of chocolates") but one thing is for certain, it is the personalities of our kids that make it very interesting.  As we strive hard to teach them what they should know, develop a schedule, etc.  it becomes very clear that what worked with one will not work with the other.  There are those things that work with both kids but the moment you try to put them in the box that "should work" they will soon jump out as if to say "try again".  It is what stretches the patience to its breaking point sometimes.

Patrick is a very energetic, loving, enthusiastic and a little compulsive.  Sometimes we have to stop and clean the soccer ball before continuing.  He doesn't like it when Eliana moves the blanket that she is sitting on so that it becomes "messy".  If he is not ready to go to bed, getting him to stay in his room can be a challenge.  He is ready to tell you exactly where and what you need to be doing and what he needs.  We love him more than I can imagine and there is nothing I would rather do than come home and "play trains" or "go to the park"

Eliana has all of my stubborn traits.  We are kindred spirits in that way.  She is also amazingly happy and joyful, talking without words at every turn.   This little 3lb 6oz premature child is growing like a weed and will soon be playing "rough house" with Dad and Patrick.  I can't wait! Unlike Patrick who loved cuddling with mom or dad, Eliana loves to squirm and is not fond of sitting still.  She could stay in the bouncer for a long time.

One thing is for sure...when you mix the 2 personalities you get a God given amazing result.  Already the brother and sister adore each other.  Patrick looks longingly at the video monitor and whines to mommy "Mommy, Eliana is still sleeping".  Eliana can be fussy but when she sees Patrick (the human pacifier) all is well.  For Eliana, as long as Patrick is in the room, life is good.  For Patrick, the ultimate pleasure is to have all four of us together, but as a consolation prize he loves have his little sister around.  Even if she is just sitting there watching him.

I think they made a word for what I described and that word is "Family".  It is a wonderful gift that God has given us and I want to cherish it every moment of every day, even when "no" is the most common word I hear and "I want..." starts every phrase.

Know what I mean??????

LOVE

How much does God love us? It is one of those incomprehensible attributes of God. Yes, we can understand love to some extent but when you really ponder some of the outcomes of His love it can get overwhelming. I guess we could choose to dwell on questions of "Why do bad things happen to good people?" but that is just avoiding the real question which is "Why do good things happen at all?" After all, we have done nothing to deserve them. And that is the real crux of the matter, isn't it? God's demonstration of love shown by putting our our family together was not by chance, not because we are good people or because we somehow deserve this family, but by design before the earth was even created. Whether you think the earth is billions of years old or thousands of years old you have to admit that is a pretty cool fact to ponder. I love this family more than it makes sense. The love of a family really doesn't make sense at its messed up core. After all, we make mistakes pretty much every day and every day we find something else that we could have done better. We also find something else that another family member could have done better. So why love? We love because God loves us and that is the only reason that allows it to make sense. We have the ultimate example of love on Easter which hopefully won't get lost in the Easter bunnies and the Easter candy but will shine through to a really messed up world. Here are some pictures of the recent photos taken at Alta Laguna Park in Laguna Beach that I absolutely love. Enjoy!!

Perspective

Most of life is about perspective. The more we have of it the easier it is to understand a situation, react to a problem etc. And just to give you perspective I am writing about a situation where the mom (Vivian) is home during the day and the dad (me) is at work. That is not to say it is the only possibility but it is the one I have the most perspective on. Sorry for the long intro!

In the case of parenting perspective is king. Knowing the job of a mom helps the dad understand how to interact with her when he arrives home and knowing the stress of the workplace helps the mom react to the dad when he arrives home, etc. All that being said, I am going to state my thesis as the following..."A mom with more than 1 kid has a much harder job than any work situation I will ever encounter".

My story.

Yesterday was stay at home and have fun day since it was MLK day and not a work day. We had a baby sitter lined up for a few hours and all was going to be great. But then the stomach flu with in all of its wonder hit Vivian around 11pm the night before. Thus ended the potentially fun day. But I was super thankful that I had a day off to watch both kids and let Vivian suffer in peace. I love our kids and they are both wonderful, cute, etc but when Eliana is teething and Patrick doesn't want to take a nap, the day gets longer and longer. I am not complaining here because by all accounts we are very blessed. My point is that there is nothing that I have ever encountered in 20+ years of working that compares with the energy that it takes to deal with 2 kids on the "not so good days". It is not one specific part of the day that throws the day off but a series of little things adding up to never getting time to sit down for 10 minutes and do nothing. But here is the thing...for mom's this is the rule, it is common place. I think that if Dad's could take a day off and deal with the kids at the neediest for 1 complete day (i.e. midnight to midnight with no one sleeping through the night) their perspective on what their wife has to deal with would change. No matter what kind of high power, high paying, stressful job you might have, I have never seen a spreadsheet scream at me or have a complex problem whine at me. They just sit there until they are solved, nice and politely. Fellow employees can be an issue but at the end of the day they don't go home with you. I am not saying that this knowledge will create total marital bliss but I will take anything the work world can throw about me over 2 emotional, teething, not sleeping, needy kids. The former just doesn't compare in terms of energy expended.

Let's all be thankful for the moms!

Thanks for reading

Our Complete Family

It is not as if our family wasn't complete before Eliana arrived but in one sense it wasn't quite finished. I can tell you that two is a wonderful, great and final number. The video at the bottom of this blog article is complete with the sights and sounds of our family at the end of 2011. Unlike other videos that I have made which are a collage of pictures this one only has 1 picture and the rest are videos showing the kids in action. When you watch the video, set it to full screen and turn the volume to high. Not only will you hear the sounds of Eliana and Patrick but the music in the background is a very beautiful piece of choral music.

La rose complete
( Rainer Maria Rilke, from Les Roses)
J'ai une telle conscience de ton etre,
rose complete,
que mon consentement te confond
avec mon coeur en fete.
Je te resprire comme si tu etais, rose,
toute la vie,
et je me sense l'ami parfait
d'une telle amie.

The Perfect Rose

I have such awareness of your being,
perfect rose,
that my will unites you
with my heart in celebration.

I breathe you in, rose, as if you were
all of life,
and I feel the perfect friend
of a perfect friend.

The connection with this piece of music is that our family is now very much complete with our little rose, Eliana. And with the understanding of Ephesians 1:5.6 " even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." it becomes even more complete.

I can't begin to express the love that I have for this family but I do know this, it is nothing on the scale of the love that God has for us. Eliana is now 16lb 5 oz and growing like crazy. If I didn't know she was born premature I would have no way of knowing. She is a very happy, opinionated, joyful and strong little girl. Patrick continues to be a joyful, high verbal, 3 yr old with a love for trains, paints, cars, balls, Little Bear, Jonah, Busy town mysteries and of course, Curious George. His favorite place is usually the park and is great at allowing me to take him on runs in the stroller even if it means getting to the park 30 minutes later.

We didn't send out a Christmas letter this year and probably won't get around to it until next year but after you see the video you will know why! So don't write us off your list just yet...we will be back eventually as we learn more about navigating the waters of raising Patrick and Eliana.

Thanks for reading

A.D.O.P.T.I.O.N.S. Part 2

I have taken some time between part 1 and 2 of the acrostic regarding adoptions. I didn't want the words to start sounding the same. It is easy to say the same thing over and over with a new letter. As the stories keep rolling through my brain I want them to be fresh and new for this second part so here we go...
T. Trust - Ultimately you have to trust that God has all things worked out to His satisfaction or you wouldn't ever begin the process of adoption. With so many unknowns in the process trust is key to survival and proper perspective. However, under the umbrella of trust of God for all the details you end up learning to trust other people as well. The trust between yourself and the birth family starts to build from the first moment that you meet them. This is the process that is filled with the most lack of trust in the entire adoption. Each party at the beginning will question the other party's motives, understandings, reasons, intentions and everything imaginable. It is beautiful to see these lack of trust items turn into trust items one by one. The process happened with both Patrick's and Eliana's birth families and I am sure that similar trust is built in most adoption situations. If you recognize that this is normal (and even healthy) then you will have an easier time navigating through the process as you experience it.

I. Intimacy - I have often said that to have a child only takes a male and female who have reached a certain biological age and 9 months of waiting and then "poof," welcome to the world, oh, little one. This process at the raw level doesn't take any thought, concern, or discussion. However, adoption is the ultimate bearing of your soul to others in order to become qualified to adopt.   If the enterprise of having natural children were this long and arduous, we would have a much smaller population. The questions are as follows but not limited to:, "Why do you want to adopt?", "What type of child will you accept?", "What race of child will you accept?", "What is your house like?", "What is the state of your finances or tax returns?", "How is your marriage?" Questions spoken and unspoken from the birth families include, "What makes you want to adopt my child?", "What do you think of me as a person since I am giving up my child to adoption?", "Will you love my child always?", and "Will you judge me?" This is not a complete list but often I found myself running away from the questions wondering how any couple could be required to be this transparent with their lives. It is, however, important to embrace the process, since it will make your adoption successful, beautiful and unique.

O. Overwhelming - The entire process is overwhelming. After we adopted Patrick we had the sense that the second adoption process would be easier, and it was with regard to the paperwork, etc. However, as a friend told me, "you are a rookie parent with each child". This statement holds true with each adoption. We are rookie adoptive parents with each adoption. As much as I wanted it to be the same, it was entirely different. With Eliana we expected that we would have time to prepare, time to enjoy setting up her room, time to get to know the birth family, etc.  In hindsight I wouldn't change anything about either adoption, but the reality of it was that they were both overwhelming! The first adoption is always overwhelming because it is a brand new realm. The second adoption for us had the new factor of 7 weeks in the NICU in a hospital 450 miles away. The emotions, the details, the insurance, the finances, the relationships, the unknowns, and more all add up to a process that can be overwhelming. It must be understood that God is in charge of this process. Otherwise, all you have is your raw emotions which cannot be trusted.

N - Not Understood - Just when you think you have entered into this wonderful plan to adopt a child either domestically or internationally, it is now time to share these plans with others. And, of course, everyone will understand your reasons, emotions, and all the details of adoption, right? WRONG.  You will find many people who have no clue about adoption except for what they have heard on the evening news or read about on the internet - these stories are often negative in tone.  In order to survive this crazy world of understanding or mis-understanding it is important to know who to communicate with. This was true in both of our situations. There were people that understood every detail of the story and were of great help throughout the process. There were those who really had no idea what was happening and therefore they got the very general version of "We are adopting a child". After that they were told only basic facts to keep them informed. If you are considering adoption please understand that people generally fall into these two categories (understanding and not understanding) and tailor your communication accordingly.  It will help you keep your sanity and survive the barrage of questions that are prevalent throughout the adoption process.

S - Sacrifice - The sacrifice of having a child (biologically) is one of putting yourself last and putting your child first. They eat before you; they bathe before you; they have their needs met before yours, etc. It is a natural outgrowth of parenthood and you can talk to any new Mom or Dad and get all of the details. This reality is equally true in the adoptive process. Everything in the process seems to happen on its own time schedule which can be inconvenient and frustrating at times. Nothing about the process of meeting the birth family will happen on your schedule. Nothing will prepare you for unexpected expenses (unless you happen to be independently wealthy!) When you keep the focus on knowing that sacrifice will is the norm then the process will be much easier to understand.

Not one of the letters that were described in these 2 articles "A.D.O.P.T.I.O.N.S." describes the process, emotions, or ups and downs completely. You must take all of the discussions in the articles and keep reminding yourself that it is not about you, it is about the child. More importantly it is not about your plan, it is about God's plan for you. This will keep your adoption in the proper focus and give you the strength to make it through. The joy at the end of the process is indescribable. Thanks for reading. I pray that these 2 articles have encouraged other couples in their process of adoption. J.V.P.E

Musical Duet

There is something fun about playing music with your 3 year old. I sense some talent here although we will have to wait and see. It is fun to see the wheels turning in his little head Enjoy the improvisation